Reborn by Ramadhan

We are in the new page of life.

My friend, I hope you are doing fine with all greatness in you, and all successful life you'll get.

I'm sorry, from the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry.

Right now, I know why I'm here, is to be useful for my surroundings, useful for myself and my family.
There's nothing I would demand more than to live peacefully until the end of the call of my creator.

My friend, I see that you are changing the way you look, which I wish it also happens within your life and yourself inside.

My friend, be happy, for what you are and what you wanna be.

Dear Friend

I've been in silent for quite long, since I don't know how to deliver a proper apology to you.

My friend, never crossed my mind that I want to make a fool on you or anyone else, since that day I saw you, I knew that you are the one. Pretty strange since its not a fairy tail, not a drama on television or even a love story in a magazine, it was true.

Dear Friend, I always wish for the most perfect life for you and your future. To have a happy life, a life with no burden of feeling, especially the past. It just not for you to have that burden.

Its often for me thinking about to find you, face to face and just seeing you smile or even angry at me, for the past, but its not gonna possible as the hate already taking all part of the kindness in each of space in your heart.

Dear Friend, trust me, that you're a better person than me, much better.

Dear Friend, be happy, as I know I would be if you are........

Ding Dong Junky

I lay down on my bed and tv on with a program that I pretty much enjoy. I sit and lay again, and do that again and again and again. I'm not thinking, I'm not, at least not tonight, I was planning to close my eyes in the early hour.

Its been 3 days now, I have this sqeeze pain on my head. Its like killing me.

A poker night

a hate is something that could be a nice thing, to hate you need to recognize, to know, to understand and to feel. The hate will come when you define it as you not gonna do anything related, connected or even along with it.

so when hate shows up, its a gift, that you've been recognized by the one who hates you.

I want to change my life, to be a better person, as someone said "people needs to change and be better". I've made mistake and i know what i did and i'm not proud of it.

Right now, there is no intention of making a fool of anyone, of anything, for good. The await moment has come to and end, where i need to carry on my life, my path, my dream towards my end.

Where am I?

Like a quick sand, you think everything is okay, and you keep playing, and then a mistake happens, and again and again, and when you decide to quit, you can't, because you've already sink to your head, you can't move, you can't even breath.

I begin to hate myself again, I was making a mistake by taking a bad decision, but right now, I definitely don't know what to do.

Figuring out on what to do or where to go just taking a lot of my time, my life and my energy. I lost the soul to survive, I missed the air in the morning and I drawn in the mud of deepest hell.

I'm wasting all my money to make myself feel complete, feel please, and happy, but there just a hole wide open and even a dog could jump in and out everytime they play before my eyes. What kind of lesson should I taken again? what could be new experience will come to me? what will happen to me? when can I just fly away with the air I breath and swim in the water I touch.

I'm all alone, no where
I'm all alone and will be alone
I'm here but could not explain where
I'm exist but I can't see my feet step on the dirt
I'm lost.....

I'm a warrior of Seventh War
I fight on Seven Grounds
I stand in Seven Days
I bleed for Seven Hours
I may live once, but I will die Seven Times....

 

 

 

Am Free

Finally, after years with all of those burdens, today I am free.
I enjoy music more, I can play my guitar and understand more on each sounds.

The game, yes!! Fire in The Hole, is still the favorite only game. Haha... I am a kid in an adult body.

Let's play the role...

Bended Knee

I'm gonna swallow my pride
Say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don't ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirit of love
It'll heal all things
It won't hurt any more
No I don't believe our love's terminal
I'm down on my knees begging you please
Come home

Runs Dry

Sean

Hey Sean, how many time I told you that life is responsibility
There is no such of getting free
Survive, to watch the manifest of the almighty
Among you, me and everybody

Hey Sean,
You gotta have a good heart,
You gotta keep it safe and right
Believe and put your head on the floor
Even when you fight it caused your fingers to four

Sean,
I trust the future in your hand
I am sure that its not gonna be white like sand
Could be dark or bright
But stick still on the good side

Sean...
You are the son that I've never had
But you have the spirit that I've dream at
Be the leader at least for yourself
And I'll be watching like I've never left

Take care Sean.....

Done

Its like a brilliant fantastic message. I was amazed with a billboard of a clear words on it, clear and straight message.

Well, I don't know or not remember exactly word per word of the bilboard says, but its like this, that person is gone mate, and wake up, carry on the life.

Then its a great thing, so I don't have to find out anything anymore, its been forgotten.

Cheers Mate,

Gotta Know

You gotta Know

Marking

Another time, different day, different year but the same flash of memories, not one but million of them, once schene to another, one part to the other. From the first step towards that door until the last time I saw the face of the most person who once I needed the most.
In this movie "Blind Side", was talking about a brilliant football player, Michael Oher, he has a very great gift, "forgetting the past". I wish that gift is like for everyone, just to forget and eradicate the regret which has to be like that as the reason to move on. It does not make any sense to memorize something or moments which not creating any different or even worse, its only happening in my side and not the other.

I realize that I need two things in this world, a chance to deliver how much I regret and then to forget.

To stop my brain for a while and to get rid all the thoughts for a while.

Feeling and Responsibility

I've never talk about any of my feelings in me to anyone but then one of a persistant friend asked so many questions about feeling, happiness and other things related. For no reason at all, I don't know how to explain about feelings, not even to myself.

Lot of story of a non fiction happenned in my life. Happy, sad, dumb and even non sense one. But in those stories, mistake is one of the color of each paragraphs. Those mistakes were not planned, because I was and still am aware that it won't make me proud to myself.

I know that I could never escape from those mistakes and the people whom I made mistake of. Those mistakes and those faces are the pictures in my brain, circulating and rotates like a running text display at the groceries store or mobile phone store. I don't have a nerve to get at their door step and knock on the door for apologize.

But when that persistant friend asked those questions, it just like a truck full of coal, black and dirty, those shadows of mistakes hit me, again and again. And then I was like imagining, what is it like to have a capability of forgetting the pass including those mistakes and faces. Its not possible, its like a scratch, no blood, with leave scars. I think that is the same thing happen to those people that I made those mistakes to, or even worse.

I begin to think to knock those doors, but then how? Do I have a right to do that? Do they will open the door? And what sort of obligation for them to listen to me? It was all by me, the man with bunch of sins and darkness all of those mistakes, hurt and bad dreams being created.

I don't know if it was appropriate to leave a message of one word "SORRY", with all means of regrets for what I did in the past. No body is going to live forever, and even if there was one, I don't think its an option to be immortal with all mistakes as a burden.

"Sorry" is not just a simple word to say just in order to ease my life. Its not fair, not at all, but I need to do this, saying this word over and over to all of you.

I'm not trying to justify for all that I've done in the past since now I'm living my responsibility instead of the feelings in me.

A Child Next Door

Child that I'd never have

I wont dance

To all of you who loves to dance....

through the air

there was a friend, a nice and decent person. this person talked alot about life, journey, works, and even love. it was one time when my friend talked about how someone broke the heart and created a disappointment.

that was strange, when i was in my flight to Borneo, i remembered this story how this friend was crying on a flight back from Borneo.

It was long time ago but feels like just yesterday my friend told me about this experience.

what a strange, what a life, what a mess.......

Sleep over Feet

It's becoming a habit, every time i had a trip, not my eyes could even closed to sleep.

I've been leaving this town for such long time, all I remember is that that was the last time i met you mate.

But anyway, as i said earlier, you deserve that happy life, won't disturb nor interupt.

Live that Happy Life, You Deserve it Mate......

Accidentally that name appears, the internet i didn't know how but it just showed up, that name which i didn't expect it will appear. But the information that i got, a bit supprised, this fellow of mine, move and change the activity from what i knew before. Somehow this new activity, which forgive me mate i was a bit reading that info, that new activity is proper to what you have, as the language also spoken by you mate.

I didn't tail my mate, it just coincidence, i suppose.

So, the life has change, why not, its life afterall, everyone needs to change, and sometimes the time changes you. Getting better is great, well as matter a fact you, mate are better than me.

If that chance on the table, the chance just to say "i'm sorry mate, i let you down", it will be great, at least i got a chance to say it before i die. Hahahahaha, ridiculous, as if i knew that time is coming to me soon enough. But seriously mate, i really wish i can say that.

I was a fool, and always be i guess, careless, sloppy-ass... just not getting better, i'm sure, and we both know mate that everything was my fault.

And so, it is a good to know that you're in new place and i hope you found what you need for that happy life, and one more time, i am happy for you mate, Live that Happy Life, you deserve it, dear Mate.....

ISLA

So, it was a fantastic night, 6 cars, 8 people, muddy road in the dark... it was a great moment.Forget about the time, because I was pretty sure that no one looked at their watch, just step on the gas and hit the bloody rough road in the middle of no where (Still in Pekanbaru yooo).

If I had a chance, I would love to share my experience, take you guys to those places that I've never been there before. Joint with these bunch of people who knows a lot things about off road, big wheels, 4 wheel drive and of course about machine.

Should I make a wish just to share this experience? I don't know how, but sounds like a good idea. And island, feel like want to create one, just for me, Isla, and Island.