Fierce Anger

It just another inch of a nail gets to the most sensitive of thin layer of anger. A step to freak all the neighborhood for the most anger that ever happened, the madness of a unconsciousness state of mind. Breaking the cage and a second to unleash the leashed lion, forget all the rules and use all the manifestation of freedom speak and curse.

Never like this state but just people wants it happen, wants it to take place in every step of life, to watch the most craziest level of animal inside the human body.

Some people consider themselves as the most superior race on this earth without taking the time to stand in front of the mirror and talk to the echoing walls. These people act like they know what happen, and what should be do and say and see the problems as their early breakfast in the morning. Another perfection of an imperfection creature, for the justification on their own mind that they are better even holier than others.

Kill the devil on the run, have no mercy, and hear what will they cried about, what will they scream about.

Fuck this, I don't need this shit anymore, this is getting me to deeper and put me in the hole of darkness......

Bending String.....

EMPTY

its like fall into hole of 6 feet under ground or stand behind bars and surrounded by dark cemented walls, I'm almost losing my imagination of what I should do in moment like this. Nor games or Internet browsing amuse me, not even 300 channels from both TVs. I know this will happen next after one mistake to another, bounce to one point of emptiness to another.

Can't get rid this thought out of my mind, it keeps awake me even when I'm in my maximum consciousness. I need it, I need it back. I need to get it back, just what should I do to get it back to me?

I screwed up, a biggest mistake in my life. Letting it GO. For so many years, it was my dream, but now its gone.

I need a chance, I'll create a chance, but how do I know that it will give me the same chance?

Sunday....

Sunday, 24.31. A bit late, but its not just about to improve any writing skills because I don't have any skills in writing, it just put it that way for any words that I know and I don't even care about any structure or grammar for the need as the technical in writing. It makes everybody reduce their will to put words or feel.

I think I lost something, because sometimes I realized that I've been silent for some moment for no reason. I didn't want to talk nor laugh. What could be a good deed that I should do to get rid of this unknown temporary loss moment?

Finally Happy

That message truly a beautiful one, mention about how happy they are for the absent of a trouble maker.

That's good.

Quicksand

It's about time to get to know everything that matters to each situation.
A little bit surprised finding out that I had been in a situation that could make me in deep problem, deeper than I've been facing now. That smile, laugh, smooth talking, a welcome greetings, all fake from the people that I admired at that time.
May be its a sin, the sin that attacking me back, after what I did. But what I couldn't stop think, is why those people was keep smiling and not showing what that person was talked about when they met the person that they dislike.
Damn, I was in a house that almost I considered as another place I could sit and talk comfortably without any worry or fear as they were a family.

Quicksand, a description of a situation, if I didn't take any of risk to get out or leave the place, I'll be in a deep problem without knowing that I could be drowned little by little, feel comfortable but with hate around me from the people that i thought they accept me.

Bye

Same TrAP under Conciousness

Fooled by the system, obey the rules, follow it as it the guidance of your life. Just to save the face of "KINGs in the building of Golden Chairs". They are laughing when the poor cries out loud. More frightening than a most scariest monster of the sea, they will eat you, seduce you with all promises and leaving you behind when the money comes to them with all black limited edition 4 wheel drive.

"Don't take the rations of the poor, shame on you" Shame on them.... They use the number of "Listed Fancy Vehicle" and they passing through your houses and not even look at your door. Shame on them when they want to rules something that even bigger than their Heads.

Choose for nothing and they will call you WHITE, choose for somebody and you'll be SORRY.

The Record

Never will as the same as a white paper when you live your life since the day you were born until the present.

May be

Unconditional

Give up, run, go, disappear, just leave.... there are lots of way to free of disaster.

Wise

Being myself is not that easy, especially when people see it from their own eyes.

Wisdom for a wish,

Don't Fix anything....

Stand Still and Silent

So I made my decision, i made my move and i'm still in the pilot of shit.
Powerless, weak, stupid.......

24 Hours

I made my mind that I won't go anywhere, I want to stay for the stage where I've been searched for many years.
I need to do what i need to do even sometimes it doesn't make sense that it will pointed to something real or something right. I believe in each stages of life, people will have to decide which will be the road for them to go. I need times, even time doesn't think that need me, time will keep run, no matter what condition I'm in. The time to make things better, time to have everything will be alright, the time that i need to make people understand why.
I'm sorry for what i've did, broken the vow, it was me, the need to settle down everything. Seems like never properly right when I'm still trapped in the condition of struggle to get out from the level that i made it myself.
Every one of us deserve to be happy, to live in the world full of colors, with every light and hope still move on accompanying each step of life. I understand that it might not towards any better condition, but to believe is more precious than anything.
Just like the highway, my feet is walking the step for home, home that i've never forgot for the last 5 years, home that I won't ever walk out, home where i can feel alive. Home to where i should be for the rest of my life.

Love to live that life......

Not Wasted at ALL

It was just once, and that was it, nothing happened again until couple of months ago.
That was the time when the British refused me to enter their beloved freakin' country, just another failure trip I guess, but i wasn't wasted at all. Well, at least i believe it so.
A guy, a friend of mine, he' called me to join them in this kind of training, which was the time that I didn't know what to do but to look for sort of activity, since I didn't want to get back to this full of sun and heat province.
So, I took this invitation to joint this training, which was no one invited me for this. An exodus from Riau. With stupid hat and dark burn skin, I took this "ojek" from the closes place where cars could reached.
I entered this room, no one I knew except 2 guys from Riau, and they just smile at me. I still didn't have any idea what the heck these people was talking about. I sit, right next to my friend and looked around. But then I stopped my head from moving around just to recognize who are these people. Long-sleeved white shirt, with glasses and short hair.

So, I was saying to myself "hmmmm.... who is that?"

For two days, just looked and looked, that was it, but that time was not wasted for nothing, lost confidence, a bit scared and just watching.

Well, its like another soap opera, just watching and watching......

I don't remember how did I get her number, its kinda magic, LOL, i supposed.

Superman Got Fuck'd

Do you think that you strong enough? with all the good names and credits? do you think that this world is enough just with you on it? what makes you think that this life is easy just by you fly around the neighborhood?
This is just another new period in your pathetic life, another step down from the mid of several meters tall of building. Another hindrance, comes and go, small chunk of meat right from your ass got slashed by rusty old blade.
A step forward and 4 steps back, getting old and tired, getting hard and wicked.

I hate this period, the mode of unbelievable stage of road.......

I believe there are lots of options in this life. A manifestation of anonymous diversity of emotion. A simple frame as a plan to get more colors. A column of a list become a projector when a step taken as a start to reach the top or the edge or the limitation.

More reasons to fail the truth and more excuses to get into the run.
Stand before the wall of paintings and dirt, as I look in the mirror and sees nothing but a sense of belonging gets into the darkest part of blood and the brain said just LET GO.....

Sunken Ship

No hate, not even love, no dreams, not even hope.
No Patriotism, not even encourage, no words, not even a page.

When it needs to be, but the weakness becomes a barrier.
Not even try to put the same dignity on decision that being taken, just another look of tears dropped from eyes.
A single light is waiting, but the feet stop moving. Watch it glows, and slowly disturbed by the wind which never being expected. The heart says go, but the compassion hold to say no.

It has the thing that I want it, the simple thing that describe where it comes and what place it was.
I can't say WAIT, even though I want it to awaits there, because its home, HOME that where I choose to go, I need to be, and I wish to spend the rest of my time.

No Hate, not even love,
Another box floats on the precious water of hope

I love you too, always do.....

DK

In Between

Tested by the need of being a good man, so eager to find a live in between the song of freedom and cry of sadness.

On The Cracking Glass

Right through the end of hallway when situation got so quite and dark, not even a blink of an eye. Scare for what in front and afraid to backward step. I'm tired, and i saw the ground like swallow the hope. Soon or later, what ever it takes, amount of dreams become the sound of silent.

I'm wasting time and energy but i also caused much worse lost to others. I'm tired, put my head on the rest and close my eyes to bring out the pain.

I'm tired, I'm tired and I'm tired.......

Buckle up, we're gonna shoot somebody's head out there. The beast is released and the human being unleashed. Apparently the gun won't stop shooting until the final victim down.
Scream out loud like a thunder flashes the body of charming angel. Song of Hooked Captain on the ship in the land that never exist. Make sound, loud one, again and again, like a cry baby demand for more milk in the night. For something that being expected, fighting the devil on the run and approach the light on the roof. Same old song singing by an adventurer, stepping the future and don't let your dog controls you.

Dominate the world with your demand, control the anger with compassion and save the breath for tomorrow. Let it be, and for sure, I'll be right behind the scene.

Look the smile of the most largest beast being told for so many years.

Love that too much and hate it for death. That's life for sure.

The Ghost

Silent, the meaning of truth that revealed between lies. Sitting here, hiding behind the computer. Waiting for another message, no time to get rest on the time to talk about serious foolish things. Same old story, different time. The power of mind.
I'm the king, there's no reason for me to giving up. The storm can stop me for while, disaster can come worst but no step will be backwards.
Two steps ahead, four steps back, but never giving up. Years passed away like a flash of eyes sight. Speed of the car giving no chance to break, I can jump out like a dog chasing the bone.

Stupid King without thrown and kingdom. Lost in the middle of smelly mist.

Cloud and Wind

I made lot of mistakes in my life. Consider this as a fact that I'm still alive, flesh and blood. I spent several hours driving, its quite fun, empty street, just me, the road and my car. Getting faster to each miles I've through. Thinking about the past and all the steps behind. What could happen in the sun? Burns out the pillow of dream.

Cloud that I've been waiting was there standing, but nor my hand and neither my soul could reach it. I'm moving too fast, the car won't stop. Not even i a chance for me to say that I would do anything to save the day, bring the smile and some kicking ass.

A mile more to the final stop, when the night is about through for it and getting the sun to the highest level of sky. Arrive to a place that i called home, but I feel empty. The speed of car didn't gave me the satisfaction, the night just another insanity and I'm still missing the cloud.

Stay there, on the highest sky, cover the earth with the soft color of yours, and throw out the sorrow from your hope. I'm watching you, and I'll catch the dream and put it into the valley of hope.

Won't stay to long, I couldn't handle the pain. Never give up on it, it just a matter of time, save the day and bring the evening.

Its time for me to stop this for now, and move on to the next chapter. "The son of Hope"

God Bless......

Road Ended

A man asked another man who sits next to him "what will be the most happiest moment in your life?"
and the man answered "when i see some one that i really care about smile and happy"
and he asked another question "So what will be the worst moment in your life?" and the man said "when I have to watch the people i care crying or walking away from me?" and before he leaves, the man said to him "it is better rather than having empty life"

Single cracked box was returned and closed. Simple dream of a sacred expectation against all odd.

Here, waiting, and thinking the other way of pursuing happiness.

Again, its done.......

Half way there

A pray spoken from the most consciousness of human form, the sound of wind creates the most smooth whisper to the ear of an unleash animal. Innocent expressed from a sinner face right in the morning after he kills the most pure heart of human being. Thousands of miles passed by just by blinked the eyes and took a minute to forget. That dark has come, and its not for the first, and still not get use to it.

Break the rules, find it out, figure it out, feel it, how it can embrace you to a level of approximately super human with standard freak of shit. This is getting better, just another door way step and a rock stop the foot movement.

No selfish, no regret, just take it for granted....

Pursue

Like a bullet search for the target, it chase your ass like hell, not a sound or sign, just come and then disappear into the dark. Bunch of report on the table and thousands of targets ahead awaits to be reached.
The road is wide open, a way to chase another direction of a point. Fighting the desire not to bench the hook and keep it sharp where ever it pointed to. A call to remember the announcement of stupid order, and then confuse of all those fictions story between the ages of loneliness. Framed in the world of imagination, sounds like a fire that burns the real pain.
Keeping the music on, as a companion on the way home. Stepping the dark, choose the set of life and live with it. Nor you and or the Guards know what will happen, in the meaning of insanity, it is just getting far beyond the illusion of amazing life.
More and more story created just by waving hands, throwing smiles and wasting words. But in "Silent"? even a dog can not stand with it.
Get to the end of the poetry, Put the hope under, and raise the temper, make love like a liar and let the story shared.

What a stupid idea......

See you Later....

Bryan-izer

Paramitha's i'm Bryan, this boy has already 4 years old, 3 and a half years live with me. Love to listen the music, especially in the evening we sit on the back yard and I play guitar, he always enjoy the music I played.
Bryan never complain for everything, eat whatever he got (food of course), play every time he has a chance to go out and still loyal to ask permission whenever someone wants to take him for walk.
This boy is the most loyal friend, i guess that what dogs created for, to be loyal.
And now he has a friend in the house, Brandy, the most charming girl now, a little bit dark on her coat and more energy still since she's only 3.5 months old. These both golden retrievers now become the most loyal friend for me.

Have a nice day....

There she is......

There she is, Maryland's Gold Brandywine Red of Tango "Brandy", born only 4 siblings from the same dam and sire. Brandy was born first among the four of them. From Maryland's Gold Kennel in Madiun, Java, she's the B Litter of this Kennel. Her four siblings are Maryland's Gold Blue Suede Shoes, Maryland's Gold Bourbon Street Blues, Maryland's Gold Brooklyn Summer Seas. These four are from the Wagner Bloodline, one of the rare golden retriever bloodline in Indonesia. They were born January, 30 2011. Now Brandy is 3 months old. She's definitely grown as a dominant puppy, always have energy, spirit and the way to gain attention from people, especially from me.

Every morning she waits for the door opened, to see the sun and to feel fresh air. She usually take her personal business (pup and pee) and then start jump towards me and then she will go to Bryan, tease him to play with her.

Oh ya, Bryan is a male golden retriever, 4 years old now. Bryan is the one that accompany me at home.

So Brandy was arrived on Monday, May 9, 2011 at 16.00 local time. It was terrible, since the schedule was really out of discussion, the airplane delayed for couple of hours, but then she arrived safe, she looked so calm, wonder where is she now.

We took her home, she is amazing, i thought a puppy will be like a stranger in a new home, but this one is really a dominant, she just wondering around and had some water. And then met Bryan, this guy is a jealousy one, he barked out loud. Every time i hold Brandy, and Bry respond with loud barking. But now they are alright, live in the same hood with the same "babeh".

There she is with her former mom, still her mom i guess. Maryland's Gold is a well-nature, responsible and care kennel, they are not breed this dog for Business, but they love dogs. It is a precious opportunity to be trusted to take care one of their puppy, Thank you Maryland's Gold Kennel.

She's the family now, the Kunaifi's Family, from the heart and honest, from the heat of earth part, I'm proud to present you the new member of the Family, Brandy.

Chapter 2

Make them trust you, put yourself among them, be part of them, somehow it will just flow out, just like that.

Next, have drink, a lot of heavy drink but keep yourself together and stay focus. That mask will inform you such a enormous information.

Enjoy it....

The Swamp of thoughts

So there are many ways to investigate or interrogate people to find out the truth or information.
Torture, drain their energy, hurt their physic, put them in the position of extremely unacceptable and they will tell you everything they have.
Share the love, act like you love them, they will give you what you want.
Or Push them to the level of negative emotion reaction, make them really hate you, let the hatred grow over the logic, make them really feel like rejecting, they will tell you what they have about you or what you want to hear.
The masks we are talking about are mask of madness, anger, compassion, spirit to survive.....
Pick up your mask or i'll pick it up for you, (you don't want it, believe me)

This is the first chapter of insanity reaction against mission impossible.....

Out Post

"You're in TROUBLE my man...!!!!" hahaha, this is it, the time when everything settled while i thought its going to be better. The rats in my house, the time that i couldn't even manage, the works that seems getting crazy and the thoughts that still unstable. The Tank, I was planning to have a marine aquarium, but it won't work, just about two hours then the tank cracked. The fish pond in front, leaking. What the heck is going on here.

The luck is fading through time, i think so. So the moment when its about the self happiness will be the moment of it ends right away. No matter what happen or what it caused, is it my big mouth, my stupid attitude or just being quite, it just end up, just like that.

Someone ever said to me that I need to consider my own happiness, and its a great idea, but it also comes with the circumstances which unexpected. Every time i did it, considering my own happiness, it wouldn't last long. I still believe that every life has it purpose, my purpose is to making people happy, at least people around me, people that i know, people that i care about, people that i really care about. And when those people feel that i don't really mean anything, then its the time to move or away. I always said to myself, if no one needs me then its not my place to be. My gift My Curse.....

So, i just dropped the box, i didn't know what happen, i just dropped. I thought i hold it tight, considering to expand the box and feel it with more and more. I just dropped the box. It crack, all left are pieces of it. I'll keep it, at least to remind me that i've been there before, i've felt it once in a lifetime and still feel it.

I'm walking away (Craig David) ahahahahhaha... stupid song.....

Upper Level

Better than fading away, nice phrase, don't you think? Insanity just like a design to correct the way you live your life. What a freak.....
These few days, we have good rain in my city, not even my carport protect my car from the water.
Bry always ask to play outside, street looks wet and I don't think i have energy to clean him up. The spirit of 4 years old dog and a man in the house. "A story of two men" my jogja's friend said. Hahaha.....
After lots of life I have now in my house, now i have problem with rats, somehow these creatures already rule the upper level of my house.
I thought I'm the king here.

Apparently Useless....

Bryan the golden is still loyal and stay on my side, what he think just another meal in his bowl or another ball i threw. Words are not that meaning against my boy, he just remembered the sound for any demand. Sleep over the night and shake his tail every time he see me. What a dog.
I think i am his friend, at least that's how i consider Bryan. He needs me, the most important thing in my life, to be useful even for my pal, Bryan.
Useful or useless, in a very light differences between, when I need to be, that's how its gonna be, but what if I need to be but that's not what every one wanna be? I always think I'm selfish, the only thing that i want is to actualize what i have in mind, as a hope or just a dream.
I believe that every one is living for purpose, and that purpose will end up on something. But somehow we creates another, to have this life enjoyed and being someone that needed by someone else or something.
So, I wonder, when my time will come, for me to stop. well, i don't want to stop unless the wind asked to.

Its a fortune or its a destiny, your call.....

I'm done here......

Comes to an end where all chances gets to possibility of creation.

I was raised with the limitation of economic circumstances, which all needs became a dream that even a whole life hard working just another way to finish your life within the struggle to achieve it. I was survived by the jealousy of eyesight to any one that could relished their entire life with all treasury with them. Need more than just courage to built my own self confidence that all of those dreams just an abstract to live a life. That all things in this world is in a form of possibility.
Some parents will say that their children is the next generation of their kingdom, in my case that kingdom is about to built started with me, i have to build it by myself.
The opportunity came when my step was started in the whole new world when everyone is like put the self defense of me under their feet. And it is keep coming, again and again and again. And then i realized that this won't last forever, somehow this thing will have to stop, somewhere, sometimes, i don't know.

It began when i feel that all expectation was put on me, at least that was how i felt inside. I saw the tears almost everyday, i saw dreams of all in every corner in that house, i heard pray everyday, every minute for the better life, i was so scared, and I'm still afraid until now. The same question, "what can i do?"

Now I'm here, gets more than i remember expected, wanting more than i could imagined, need more than what i need the most. Between the daylight and dark of the night, along with the wind.

This is the note that will remind me, where ever i go and what ever my accomplishment, i will need that way back to the feeling of being free.

Thousands of Notes

The notes played with my guitar, its never been made before, just note by note picked and creates sound that sometimes couldn't be understood by the others. The notes are coming from the imagination and memories of a moment and flow with the blood to the brain and ordered the fingers to dance with the guitar's strings. Those notes keep the memories, its a like a mark to something that you would never want to forget. No words, just notes. No light, just the mind played with the memories.

Notes create music,

Keep it coming......

Green Hope

Blue, black, shine and rusty as the time has mentioned that there's nothing in this earth can stop its walk through the life.
I've been to many places on this earth, I've been experienced lots of unsatisfactory story of life, beaten, fall to pieces and also joyed the glories moment. I've been seeing people cried out, scream out loud or stand with proud.
I saw people puts hope to the life they've got, I saw sorrow took the others opportunity to raise and back. Fabric stretched like trying to make green grass eye. The eye that in a search for a beauty in life. I walked for a moment and read the circumstances which seemed to flare up like a raging flood, echoing like thunder and flamed like fire.
"Never give up on hope" i said, because I'm sure that hope is one of the sign that tells life is still continues.

Caution for Wildest Emotion

Manage the grave, and bury the sound of predictable trauma over the second stage of anger and madness. A previous syndrome within the process of natural signs. Enhance the consciousness when the walk has to stopped as the road rough. Imagine the great curiosity that leads to a huge desire which aim to reached something, something that not only crossed the mind but also live inside the heart, brain and even blood and gets to the bone.
Denial, refusal and even a positive of a negative proportional thoughts.
A need of perfection or just fill the empty space that suits to a complete pack of a perfect human being. Search methods or just live the life like it should be.

Longest miles.....

Bare Hands

its the wind blows, its the fire burns, and the will that disappeared. You melt in hope, you become one with dream.

A Long with the Wind

Another box is closed after final determination of absurd phenomenal friction of life. Another words are spoken by the empty handed of wounds. A sort of restlessness among the curious of thoughts which is starting kill the man in the middle or the animal above. Preservation or destruction that managed by the heart with big hole in the middle.

Nor wind or water can slap the panhandler to open his hand and hold his head while coffers of happiness were shed between his eyes and the ground, ground that full of dirt.

A master gunman stood alone, he is waiting for his destiny, while the rain is rumbling like a stone ruins in the mountain, he is waiting, another box or another faith or it just another stepped stone in his journey.

A single smoke burn between his 2 left fingers, and the bell rang right after the night almost full. The moment has come right on the undesirable situation. Away from the beginning, far from the truth and close to unconsciousness.

"Save yourself....!!!" he said, "Save yourself from your own desire and dreams"

Alive from the bottom of most powerful emotion of amazing creature called LOVE.